I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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