i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
