I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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