He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
