I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
