I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
