Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
