K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
