I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
