Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
