which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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