Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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