Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
