Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
