Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize