I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
