Ambien. No doubt about it.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he's gonorrhea incarnate
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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