My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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