In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
