Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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