I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
