I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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