1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
