So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
