I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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