marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
