why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
