i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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