I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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