He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
