So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
