I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
