I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
