he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
ttyl tear gas
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
