Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
