but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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