he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Drunk is not a location!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
