for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
