Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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