She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
