im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
