Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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