I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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