I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
