you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
