my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
