just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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