i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
