you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
