So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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