I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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