you have to choose: penises or morals?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
