I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I love having hate sex.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
