Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
