She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
