he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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