is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I want a musical about memes.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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