She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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