I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
