Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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