what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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