it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
