I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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