Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
