I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Can you bring me the toilet please
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
