even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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