ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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