Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
